Senator John Ensign affair

Michael Vick is Free!

You know what big hands mean don't ya kids?

FMFL Mickey Mouse

"I wish when I was going down on a girl that it was her that got all gooey and not my cheesy ass.....sigh." FMFL Pizza the Hut

Barbara Obama

The president throws like a girl. FMFL The All-Star Game

Kramer

"technically it's not career suicide because you can't kill something that's already dead" FMFL Kramer

My shorts are sooooo cool. Wouldn't you love to get your hands on the toy inside? FMFL The Real "Lucky" (From Lucky Charms) - Take that General Mills

OH, JEEZ!! He's eating my kidneys!! FMFL Teddy Roosevelt

This would be awesome if I wasn't so gay. FMFL Zac Efron

Lethal Weapon

"Forget the death of wife Victoria Lynn, that haircut makes me want to commit suicide." FMFL Martin Riggs

Michael Jackson is dead? Why didn't 45 TV stations tell me?

This is in bad taste...
speaking of bad taste, hey michael! let's go monging together!

4 signs your husband is cheating on you!

1. The telltale lipstick on the collar. Get that to a dry cleaner!
2. He stops saying "I love you"
3. He is fucking another woman
4. You find his dead body along with the "other woman" as the victim of a murder-suicide. Better luck next year! FMFL Michelle McNair

No magic spell for swine flu

Wait, someone actually got the swine flu? Wow you must have the immune system of a 1991 Freddie Mercury. FMFL Rupert Grint

Busey

"Hey it's not crazy if I'm like this all the time...right? Those aren't implants, that smile is all Gary, baby!" FMFL Gary Busey

Celebrity Boxing

"Yeah Dustin "Screech" Diamond is twice my size but I'll still fight him on FOX's Celebrity Boxing. What's the worst that could happen?" FMFL Ron Palillo

purple jacket? check. sequence? check. jheri curl afro/mullet? check. Now just smile and wait for the fame and fortune to come rollin' in. FMFL Marvin Sease

Well, you might be asking yourself why I'm frowning...you would frown too if your arms were only 2 inches too short to masturbate. FMFL The Wrestler.

Lincoln's Logs #3

From the Civil War Dispatches: "I have been driven many times upon my knees by the overwhelming conviction that I had nowhere else to go---that, plus I suck an astronomical amount of Cock." FMFL Gaybe Lincoln

Lincoln's Logs #2

I wish this ass hole would stop farting so damn much and get off of my bike. FMFL Beaver

Lincoln's Logs #1

"Today, I was talking to a man about the state of our economy, and he said 'Well, it's better than a hole in the head." FMFL Abraham Lincoln

Hiking

July 2008: "Woah, this is awesome. I just take trips to Argentina and no one knows. I love you Maria."
June 22, 2009: "That's right, I'm hiking on the Appalachian trail. Nothing inherently wrong with that. I am SOOO not having an affair with the Appalachian trail."
June 24, 2009: "Yeah, I had an affair but NOT with the Appalachian trail. I am not a liar. I love my wife...plus another woman." FMFL Mark Sanford

Oh Sweet Jesus

Well, first Michael undid my diaper and, was like, hey kid you're pretty cute. And I said thanks, because I am so damn cute. It got pretty weird after that, but I ended up giving him a 'nose job' if you know what I'm saying. FMFL All the kids Michael violated

"Fuck...admiral Blarfnop has us in another goddamn board meeting and it's lasting a lightyear. My wife said she was gonna suck my Nopnoop tonight, looks like I'm gonna be too late for that. I'll just rock this orange hat and pretend to pay attention." FMFL Alien Board meeting.

"I have a great idea for a new TV show...Jon+4+Kate+4. I should have put that in the divorce papers!" FMFL Jon Gosselin

"Billy Mays here, do you hate it when you get dead bodies on your carpet and they make this shitty stench and stain like a fucking red wine? Well get my new Oxiclean:Dead bodies version. For a limited time when you buy my new Dead Bodies Oxiclean, you get my KAPOW! Embalming fluid for free! Call in the next four minutes and I'll give you a handjob!" Karma's a bitch FMFL Billy Mays

"I'm holding hands with the angel of death...I wonder if this is bad?" FMFL Blanket