The Adventures of the Unfortunately Named Dr. Jeremiah Cuntburger

I can remember it just like it was yesterday. We had just lost the big homecoming game. Everyone wanted to buy this young Cunt a malt-shake. "Hey, great game Cuntburger!" they cheered. "You really cuntburgered that guy on that last play!" Sam yelled. Sam had termed my signature move the 'cuntburger,' which is why he used it in the past tense. The soccer team had never hosted a homecoming game before, but the football team was killed in a fluke pie eating contest....but that's a whole other story. Anyway, I was the goalie. My signature move, the 'cuntburger,' was allowing the other team to score a goal. And I used the 'cuntburger' a lot. Sara Vagbadger asked me to share a bananna split with her, but I just ended up splitting her with my bananna later that night. I knew she was the one. She was going to be Mrs. Sara Vagbadger Cuntburger.